| Strana na temi: < [1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26] > | Anglo-Saxon Attitudes Objavljivač niti: H.A. (X)
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| The European Union commissioners ........ | Apr 26, 2002 |
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for Europe, rather than
German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty\'s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known
as EuroEnglish (Euro for short.)
In the first year, \"s\" wil... See more The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for Europe, rather than
German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty\'s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known
as EuroEnglish (Euro for short.)
In the first year, \"s\" will be used instead of the soft \"c\". Sertainly,
sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard \"c\" will be
replaced with \"k\". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters
kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome \"ph\" will be replaced by \"f\". This will make words like
\"fotograf\" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Goverments will
enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent \"e\"s in
the language is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing \"th\" by
\"z\" and \"w\" by \"v\".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary \"o\" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining\"ou\", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensible reten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubles or dificultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
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| | | | | Позор джунглям!!! | Apr 26, 2002 |
Quote:
On 2002-04-26 10:03, Araksia wrote:
The European Union commissioners ...
Да простит меня Натали за неумышленный плагиат: оказалось, что это шутка уже раз \"засветил�... See more Quote:
On 2002-04-26 10:03, Araksia wrote:
The European Union commissioners ...
Да простит меня Натали за неумышленный плагиат: оказалось, что это шутка уже раз \"засветилась\" в ProZ-е....
см: http://www.proz.com/?sp=bb/viewtopic&eid_c=4490&topic=645&forum=30&8
...а я то-ли проморгала, то-ли не помню..
Ну как тут не вспомнить премьера ВСЧ: хотелось как лучше, а получилось - как всегда...
С наступающими weekend-ами !!! ▲ Collapse
| | | | Tatiana Neroni (X)
engleski na ruski
+ ...
| Надпись на церкви недалеко от нас | Apr 27, 2002 |
This is the shortest way to heaven!
| | | | Palmyra 
Sjedinjene Američke Države
Local time: 19:47
engleski na ruski
+ ...
| Да и это еще не все :) | Apr 28, 2002 |
эта шутка начиналась иначе:
- Which watch?... etc
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и заканчивалась (раньше) вот так:
- Финишд МГИМО?
- А-а-аск!
- Ну ю ги-и-в!
Я это слышала в таком варианте:
-How many watches?
-Without 15 minutes five
-Such much?
-To whom how.
-MGIMO finish?
-Ask.
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Palmyra
Sjedinjene Američke Države
Local time: 19:47
engleski na ruski
+ ...
| Травим дальше: | Apr 28, 2002 |
(Заранее извиняюсь за не очень высокий слог, ну уж очень смешно)
Лондон, раннее утро. Бэкингемский дворец. У ворот стоит мужчина и (извините) писает. подходит полицейский:
-Excuse me sir, you are in the center of the capital of Great Britain. How can you do this?
-I *** your caital!
(Goes on)
-But Si... See more (Заранее извиняюсь за не очень высокий слог, ну уж очень смешно)
Лондон, раннее утро. Бэкингемский дворец. У ворот стоит мужчина и (извините) писает. подходит полицейский:
-Excuse me sir, you are in the center of the capital of Great Britain. How can you do this?
-I *** your caital!
(Goes on)
-But Sir, this is the residence of Queen Elizabet II.
-I *** your queen Elizabeth!
-Indeed? - the policeman is very surprised
-In bed! ▲ Collapse
| | | | | Something Authentic! | Apr 29, 2002 |
Уж не знаю, верить или нет, но раз все тут шутят... В общем, вот что я нашла на одном программистском сайте, это - классно:
\"Wise Words from the top\"
What follows is a transcript of the speech delivered by Larry Ellison, CEO
of ORACLE (2nd Richest Man on the Planet) at the Yale University last
month:
********************************... See more Уж не знаю, верить или нет, но раз все тут шутят... В общем, вот что я нашла на одном программистском сайте, это - классно:
\"Wise Words from the top\"
What follows is a transcript of the speech delivered by Larry Ellison, CEO
of ORACLE (2nd Richest Man on the Planet) at the Yale University last
month:
**********************************
\"Graduates of Yale University,
I apologize if you have endured this type of prologue before, but I want
you to do something for me. Please, take a good look around you. Look at the
classmate on your left. Look at the classmate on your right. Now, consider
this: Five years from now, 10 years from now, even thirty years from now,
odds are the person on your left is going to be a loser. The person on
your right, meanwhile, will also be a loser. And you, in the middle? What can
you expect? Loser. Loser hood. Loser Cum Laude.
\"In fact, as I look out before me today, I don\'t see a thousand hopes for
a bright tomorrow. I don\'t see a thousand future leaders in a thousand
industries. I see a thousand losers.
\"You\'re upset. That\'s understandable. After all, how can I, Lawrence
\'Larry\' Ellison, college dropout, have the audacity to spot such heresy to
the graduating class of one of the nation\'s most prestigious institutions?
I\'ll tell you why. Because I, Lawrence \"Larry\" Ellison, second richest man
on the planet, am a college dropout, and you are not.
\"Because Bill Gates, richest man on the planet-for now, anyway-is a
college dropout, and you are not.
\"Because Paul Allen, the third richest man on the planet, dropped out of
college, and you did not.
\"And for good measure, because Michael Dell, No. 9 on the list and moving
up fast, is a college dropout, and you, yet again, are not.\"
\"Hmm... you\'re very upset. That\'s understandable. So let me stroke your
egos for a moment by pointing out, quite sincerely, that your diplomas were not
attained in vain. Most of you, I imagine, have spent four to five years
here, and in many ways what you\'ve learned and endured will serve you well
in the years ahead. You\'ve established good work habits. You\'ve established
a network of people that will help you down the road. And you\'ve established
what will be lifelong relationships with the word \'therapy.\' All that of is
good. For in truth, you will need that network. You will need those strong
work habits. You will need that therapy.
\"You will need them because you didn\'t drop out, and so you will never be
among the richest people in the world. Oh sure, you may, perhaps, work
your way up to No. 10 or No. 11, like Steve Ballmer. But then, I don\'t have to
tell you who he really works for, do I? And for the record, he dropped out
of grad school. Bit of a late bloomer.
\"Finally, I realize that many of you, and hopefully by now most of you, are
pondering, \'Is there anything I can do? Is there any hope for me at all?\'
Actually, no. It\'s too late. You\'ve absorbed too much, think you know too
much. You\'re not 19 anymore. You have a built-in cap, and I\'m not referring
to the mortar boards on your heads.\"
\"Hmm... you\'re really very upset. That\'s understandable. So perhaps this
would be a good time to bring up the silver lining. Not for you, Class of \'00.
You are a write-off, so I\'ll let you slink off to your pathetic
$200,000-a-year jobs, where your checks will be signed by former classmates
who dropped out two years ago.\"
\"Instead, I want to give hope to any underclassmen here today. I say to you,
and I can\'t stress this enough: leave. Pack your things and your ideas and
don\'t come back. Drop out. Start up.\"
\"For I can tell you that a cap and gown will keep you down just as surely as
these security guards dragging me off this stage are keeping me down...\"
**********************************
Happy dropping out and starting up....
Good luck.
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| Not only authentic..... | May 2, 2002 |
Can you imagine working for
a company that has a little more than
>500 employees and has the following statistics:
> *29 have been accused of spousal abuse
>*7 have been arrested for fraud
>*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
>*117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
>*3 have done time for assault
>*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
>*14 have been ar... See more
Can you imagine working for
a company that has a little more than
>500 employees and has the following statistics:
> *29 have been accused of spousal abuse
>*7 have been arrested for fraud
>*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
>*117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
>*3 have done time for assault
>*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
>*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
>*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
>*21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
>*84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year.
>
>Can you guess which organization this is?
> Give up yet?
> It\'s the 535 members of the United States Congress
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| | | | Oleg Rudavin
Ukrajina
Local time: 02:47
Član (2003)
engleski na ukrajinski
+ ...
| Мысли в свободное от отдыха время | May 16, 2002 |
А дэдлайн-то мертвый!
Синхронист был таким высококлассным, что порой опережал спикера.
Перевод на условиях \"за слово оригинала\" занимает меньше времени; на условиях \"за слово перевода\" - оплачивается дороже.
И стихотворение
Про пад... See more А дэдлайн-то мертвый!
Синхронист был таким высококлассным, что порой опережал спикера.
Перевод на условиях \"за слово оригинала\" занимает меньше времени; на условиях \"за слово перевода\" - оплачивается дороже.
И стихотворение
Про падежов
Я с грамматикой с детства не в ладах
Или, правильнее, не в ладе.
Я в украинских путался складах,
Русским тоже не сильно владел.
Думал я, что причастьев с наречием
Победю... побеждю... побежу...
Но доныне мои красноречия
Не склоняются по падежу.
Бью поклоны таблице склонениев,
Запрягнувшись в спряжениев воз.
У меня развилась неврастения
Безвозвратно, давно и всерьез.
Растекаючись по древу оною,
Догоняю вертлявую мысль,
Но, чрезмерно увлекшись погонею,
Растерялся мыслей моих смысл.
Будь, что будет; к чертовой матери.
Пусть все думают, что я псих:
Чтоб избегнуть ошибков в грамматике,
Изучу языка немых.
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| | | | Olga Judina
Letonija
Local time: 02:47
letonski na ruski
+ ...
| Еще одно добавление в это замечательное собрание :) | May 16, 2002 |
For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light,
but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don\'t
emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark
Suckers.
The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove
that dark has mass and is heavier than light.
First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs
suck dark. For example, take the... See more For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light,
but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don\'t
emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark
Suckers.
The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove
that dark has mass and is heavier than light.
First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs
suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are
in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is
elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity
to to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much
greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.
So with all things, Dark Suckers don\'t last forever. Once
they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven
by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker.
A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white
wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns
black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it.
If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle,
it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the
dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of
these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range.
There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs
can\'t handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided
by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full,
it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable
Dark Sucker can operate again.
Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction
from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch
an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem
as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through
clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore
it\'s not wise to touch an operating candle.
Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just
below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light.
If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice
it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you
would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark
sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats
at the top. That is why it is called light.
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you
were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet,
and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly
enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be
able to see the dark leave the closet.
Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker. ▲ Collapse
| | | | | www.anekdot.ru | May 16, 2002 |
1944 год. Президенту Рузвельту предложили опробовать возможности только что изобретенного электронного переводчика. ФДР попросил перевести на русский фразу: \"The flesh is weak, but the spirit is strong\" (\"Плоть слаба, но дух силен\"). Ламповое чудо выдало фразу: \"Мясо протухло, но водка крепкая\".
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| About YUPPIES, DINKIES, RUBS & WIVES... | May 20, 2002 |
Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says \" I\'m a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know...Young,Urban,Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.\"
The second guy says, \" I\'m a D.I.N.K.Y., you know... Double Income, No Kids Yet.\"
The third guy says, \" I\'m a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker.\"
They turn to the woman and ask her, \" What are you? \"
She replies: \" I\'m a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iro... See more Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says \" I\'m a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know...Young,Urban,Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.\"
The second guy says, \" I\'m a D.I.N.K.Y., you know... Double Income, No Kids Yet.\"
The third guy says, \" I\'m a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker.\"
They turn to the woman and ask her, \" What are you? \"
She replies: \" I\'m a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, F..k, Etc.\"
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| | | | Jack Doughty
Velika Britanija
Local time: 00:47
ruski na engleski
+ ...
In memoriam
Litera\'s \"Dark Sucker\" theory reminds me of the Phlogiston theory, which was not a joke but was widely believed in the 17th & 18th centuries. The following is from
www.infoplease.com/ce6/sci/A0838824.html
Phlogiston theory , hypothesis regarding combustion. The theory, advanced by J. J. Becher late in the 17th cent. and extended and popularized by G. E. Stahl, postulate... See more Litera\'s \"Dark Sucker\" theory reminds me of the Phlogiston theory, which was not a joke but was widely believed in the 17th & 18th centuries. The following is from
www.infoplease.com/ce6/sci/A0838824.html
Phlogiston theory , hypothesis regarding combustion. The theory, advanced by J. J. Becher late in the 17th cent. and extended and popularized by G. E. Stahl, postulates that in all flammable materials there is present phlogiston, a substance without color, odor, taste, or weight that is given off in burning. “Phlogisticated” substances are those that contain phlogiston and, on being burned, are “dephlogisticated.” The ash of the burned material is held to be the true material. The theory received strong and wide support throughout a large part of the 18th cent. until it was refuted by the work of A. L. Lavoisier, who revealed the true nature of combustion. Joseph Priestley, however, defended the theory throughout his lifetime. Henry Cavendish remained doubtful, but most other chemists of the period, including C. L. Berthollet, rejected it.
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| | | | Brainworks (X)
ruski na engleski
+ ...
| Dreams - True Story | May 23, 2002 |
The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn\'t already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, \"Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I\'m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?\" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, \"Of course you may!\" and she gave me a giant squeeze. \"... See more The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn\'t already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, \"Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I\'m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?\" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, \"Of course you may!\" and she gave me a giant squeeze. \"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?\" I asked. She jokingly replied, \"I\'m here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of kids...\" \"No seriously,\" I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. \"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I\'m getting one!\" she told me. After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this \"time machine\" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I\'ll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, \"I\'m sorry I\'m so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I\'ll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.\" As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, \"We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You\'ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.
We have so many people walking around who are dead and don\'t even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don\'t do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn\'t take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don\'t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.\" She concluded her speech by courageously singing \"The Rose.\" She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year\'s end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it\'s never too late to be all you can possibly be.
These words have been passed along in
loving memory of ROSE. REMEMBER,GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.
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