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Glossary entry

English term or phrase:

complex sentence (maybe grammatically wrong?)

English answer:

rewrite

Added to glossary by Manuela Martini
Jan 31, 2022 15:01
2 yrs ago
67 viewers *
English term

complex sentence (maybe grammatically wrong?)

English Medical Medical: Health Care study on how to improve eating for patients in hospitals or care centers
Open possibilities to patients to eat at every moment of the day
is dedicated places (near catering units) should be thinking to
improve organoleptic qualities, mealtimes and to focus on patient's
choice.

I think this sentence has something wrong from a grammatical point of view. What do you think? What do you think the author wanted to really write?? Thanks for your valuable opinions!
Responses
4 +2 rewrite
3 +2 IN dedicated places
Change log

Jan 31, 2022 15:12: Gaetano Silvestri Campagnano changed "Language pair" from "English to Italian" to "English"

Discussion

Daryo Feb 3, 2022:
The intended meaning is crystal clear People knowing what they want to say about subjects they know inside out - but talking without any prepared script - often produce ways more baffling strings of words [that's usual/normal interpreting, in case you fancy trying ...]

This is simply an "unpolished" dictation.
Someone dictated the conclusions of this study on a tape, and whoever transcribed the tape didn't bother to turn the recorded speech into a polished text.
There are two elements to this to-do list / conclusions:

(1) Open possibilities to patients to eat at every moment of the day IN dedicated places (near catering units)

(2) [We / You ?] should be thinking to improve organoleptic qualities, mealtimes and to focus on patient's
choice.

BTW these are two distinct proposed objectives - no point trying to fabricate non-existing logical links where there is none, just because the writer / editor was too sloppy to put a punctuation mark where it should be.
ATIL KAYHAN Jan 31, 2022:
One More Suggestion Offer patients the possibilities to eat at anytime of the day in dedicated places (near catering units) in order to improve organoleptic qualities, mealtimes, and focus on patient's choice.
Simona Suzanna Muwazi Jan 31, 2022:
I agree, hard to understand. Maybe I would rephrase "Open possibilities to patients to eat at every moment of the day" as " Give patients the opportunity to eat at any time of day". And I'm also wondering why organoleptic?? Might help if there was a bit more context.
Taña Dalglish Jan 31, 2022:
@ Babi I would break up the thoughts. Below are some comments.
- Open to possibilities for patients to eat at most times of the day in dedicated places (near catering units).
- Thought should be given to improving **organoleptic** qualities (substitute with "nutritional value"), mealtimes and to focus on patient's choice.

Meaning of organoleptic: "acting on, or involving the use of, the sense organs". Why would one wish to focus on "organoleptic qualities"? Are the meals so bad, or are they unappetizing to begin with (i.e. they don't pass the smell test?).
Wyoming (X) Jan 31, 2022:
Suggested rendering: Offering patients the ability to eat at any moment of the day in dedicated places (near catering units) should prompt thinking about how to…
Gaetano Silvestri Campagnano Jan 31, 2022:
No sense I also definitely agree. I cannot find any sense in the construction of this sentence.
Cristina Valente Jan 31, 2022:
condivido è assolutamente confusa e disorganizzata. Mi sembra di capire che 'i pazienti hanno la possibilità d mangiare in qualsiasi ora del giorno in luoghi dedicati (vicino alle unità catering?) e questo dovrebbe migliorare le qualità organolettiche (di cosa? del cibo?), la qualità dell'ora dei pasti, e consente di essere più concentrati sulle/attenti alle scelte dei pazienti...'
Secondo me questo è il senso ma non ci metto la mano sul fuoco
philgoddard Jan 31, 2022:
"Something wrong" is an understatement! The whole sentence is badly written and difficult to understand.
Gaetano Silvestri Campagnano Jan 31, 2022:
Coppia linguistica Ma, vista l'impostazione e la richiesta in inglese, si trattava forse di una domanda da porre nella coppia EN>EN?

Responses

+2
8 hrs
Selected

rewrite

several ways to rewrite this so it is clearer. I suggest breaking it into shorter chunks.

Give patients the option to eat at any time in the day in dedicated areas (near catering units)
Consideration should be given to improving organoleptic qualities, mealtimes and to focusing on giving patients choice.


Or if you really need to keep it as one sentence

Give patients the option to eat at any time in the day in dedicated areas (near catering units) and also consider improving organoleptic qualities, mealtimes and focus more on the patients' choice.

https://www.lexico.com/definition/organoleptic
I think the word can remain but you could substitute something like "sensory aspects, including taste and smell...

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Note added at 8 hrs (2022-01-31 23:18:35 GMT)
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I also prefer "at any time" or "at any hour" of the day rather than "at every moment"

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Note added at 10 days (2022-02-11 10:49:05 GMT) Post-grading
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Glad to have helped
Peer comment(s):
agree Tina Vonhof (X)
15 hrs
Many thanks:-)
agree Daryo : yes, but I don't see the need to "translate" the term "organoleptic" // the writer probably knows that the intended audience is supposed to not need any "translation" of that kind.
3 days 16 mins
Thanks "I think the word can remain" is what I said.
Something went wrong...
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer. Comment: "Thanks!!!!"
+2
8 mins

IN dedicated places

Direi si tratti di un refuso: "is" anziché "in dedicated places".

Almeno, io ho subito avuto questa sensazione.
Peer comment(s):
agree Wyoming (X) : “in”, yes.
24 mins
neutral EleoE : Non è solo il refuso. :)
2 hrs
Sì, è un gran pastrocchio! :) Quella almeno è la prima cosa che ho notato e che poteva avere un senso :)) Ciao doc!
neutral Yvonne Gallagher : Only one of the many errors
2 hrs
agree Daryo : Obvious typo + there are TWO sentences in fact, second one starting with "Should be thinking ..."
3 days 7 hrs
Something went wrong...
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